Bit of self-love today

It cost no penny to love myself but why do I find it so difficult. I grew up not feeling enough love for myself and feeling worthless most of the time. Often times, I end up comparing myself to others and feel less about myself in various aspects. I envy how people are composed in their thoughts and confident in their works when I can merely bring my thoughts even to a conversation. These things kind of piles up and radiate self-depreciating thoughts in me. The more I think the more I hate myself and in the midst, of all these thoughts I completely forget to love myself. 

I want to do so much in my work but I feel I lack the capacity to it when I can't convince even a simple proposal. I want to be the best friend to my friends but I fear I might let them down. I want to maintain forever relationships but I fear I might scare them with my insecurities. I want to be the perfect daughter to my parents but I fear I might be the most selfish person. I want to love with all my heart but I fear my heart do not have enough love to even love myself. I want to be carefree of the judgements of the society but I fear I might not fit in. I want laugh out loud but I fear people might label me for not being decent. The list of what I want to do goes on and so does my fears. But today, at least for a day I want to love myself for surviving and being able to put my fears into words. 

If only loving myself was as simple as the river flowing