XXVIII

It’s been months of pondering and planning to come up with an inspirational story to share on my 28th birthday but here I am still doing the same. When I contemplate my past 27 years I can’t seem to get myself hooked to any incident or story that I feel is worth jotting down today except for the story of where I come from. So yes, I am finally putting my past in order so that my children (if I have one) in future can also read and connect to their mother’s story. 

My roots are from Bumthang and almost all my friends know this. Ironically, I don’t know my mother tongue which I am not exactly proud of. I belong to a large yet close knit-family. Growing up I have been all over the country as I stayed with my Azha and Ani whom I consider my god parents and if you are one of my close friends you might have heard me mentioning them an innumerable times. Although I did not get the privilege of growing up with my mother I have had better with my godparents which I am profoundly grateful for because if I was still left in the village I doubt I would not even have completed my education. Along with them, it is my Amas and Apa who are by relation my mother’s sisters who helped me. As a child, it was too confusing to call them by relation so I ended up calling everyone Ama and Apa and of course, with the responsibility they took for me, I feel that was the right way to refer to them. That’s why it has always been awkward when people asked me about my family because my answers differed and some even talked behind my back about how I was a liar. I swear I wasn’t lying.

A mother’s love is something I have always longed for and I do even today but my mother being a farmer and the fact that I was living with my Azha and Ani never tried to connect or bond with me. Even when I had my first period I could not share with my mother and I am sure girls do this with their mother. There were several nights when I would cry myself to sleep and resent her for not checking on me even if I was looked after by someone else. But then those thoughts were when I was immature and I don’t do it anymore. I understand her reasons although she never confronted me. 

I was a brilliant student not blowing my trumpet but I also had my glory days back then. Despite that I could not qualify for my dream job and hence, the background on how I landed up as a civil servant began. I took it as a sign from the external forces and I am learning about life while experiencing adulthood it would be a self-deception if I said I don’t wonder how different my life would be if I chose the path of my dream job. Nevertheless, that is how it is and I am sure I am not alone in sailing the similar boat of life. 

People including my family think that I can easily make friends or I would have no trouble doing anything, but it's been difficult for me. I have and am experiencing my own share of struggle so that’s why I have a very limited number of friends and if you are reading this you can count yourself as one of them. 

 

Today as I celebrate my 28th birthday I am relaxed, contented, and grateful to be finally able to organize my feelings and be open about it.

How do I Mourn?

Your voice,

Your picture,

Forever etched in my heart.

A colleague,

A sister,

A dear one for me.

Too sudden,

Too harsh,

Too soon was your demise.

The last memory,

So vivid.

Wish I had created more.

A dream,

A reality,

Please wake me up.

Do I cry,

Do I pray,

How I do I Mourn?

And it all started here

Sapiens A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari

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There are many theories on how humans have come into existence and one of such is the Replacement theory states that Sapiens have replaced species without merging them. This is similar to Darwin’s survival of the fittest theory and it’s convincing on how Sapiens have survived among all other human populations.

On the other hand, the interbreeding theory brings out the explanation for the existence of genetic differences which is quite evident in today’s human population.  

It is explained that sapiens have larger brains hence to adapt to evolving needs, one such activity is migration for better acclimatisation. During those days it was for food, climate and to survive but the trend of migration is passed on to today’s human population as well. People lately migrated to places offering better opportunities in terms of education, money, and jobs. 

All beings can communicate but quality communication is beyond just transmitting information and this ability is acquired only by humans. According to Gossip theory, people can talk about things that aren’t real and people can understand each other better. They have also inherited the ability to gossip for hours which animals cannot do. That’s why humans are considered better off than animals. 

For instance, we are now talking about AI and blockchain, and these things were once talked about and imagined by our ancestors and it has become possible. Driving into the future, it is not a false claim to say that more impossible things will come into existence because our ability to imagine is beyond any explanation. This has been possible due to the cognitive revolution. Since then there existed history.

The concept of alpha male leading is blended into the culture of today’s human population where the male leads the household and protects his family. Even today man is the head of the family in 90% of the families and they take the responsibility to provide for and protect their families. This is one case and another is the fact that men are seen as superior compared to women. Since this discrimination existed since the time of our ancestors today there are freedom fighters for equal women's rights and in some countries, even special privileges given to women just so that women can raise their voices and take up jobs like men. If we critically analyze, I feel it's the women who should be considered superior because they give birth if not for women the human species would not have exponentially procreated. 

Sapiens did not just forage for food and materials but for knowledge as well and the foraging of knowledge has become the epitome of survival tactics in today's world. Humans have slowly migrated and inhabited all parts of the world. Scholars also argue that mass extinction is due to human inhibition and the agricultural revolution although climate change is blamed for it. Even today many helpful and important animals are on the verge of extinction and many organizations have been formed to conserve and protect them.  

The author justifies that there is no evidence that humans became more intelligent with time rather they found nature’s secret. I would like to argue with this statement because, at the beginning of this book, the author mentioned how humans could communicate and imagine the impossible and this imagination ability only increased over time. Well, this is evident in all the new inventions made which were not even imagined once upon a time. Therefore, I feel humans are becoming intelligent over time and it is the changing demands that are forcing people to become intelligent. 

‘Agriculture revolution was history’s biggest fraud’ but I feel it is the highest achievement. If our ancestors continued foraging then all the animals and plants would have become extinct because the rate at which the human population increased is so many times more than those of plants and animals. Moreover, without the agricultural revolution civilization would have been impossible. Today one of the greatest challenges for farmers is human-wildlife conflict because humans continue disrupting the habitats of wild animals. Humans do so because the foraging nature of humans still seems to be in humans as a result they forage wild plants and animals and disrupt the food chain. This makes the wild animals come to the human community in search of food. At the same time, I agree with the author that the domestication of plants has made Sapiens the slaves of these domesticated plants. 

“Just as the economic success of a company is measured only by the number of dollars in its bank account, not by the happiness of its employees, so the evolutionary success of a species is measured by the number of copies of its DNA” This is the case around all the countries in the world except for Bhutan The growth of the country is measured by the happiness of the people and not by money. 

Sapiens could create fiction which contributed to better socialization and cooperation. To further enhance human cooperation, Hammurabi came up with principles inspired by divine power. This bold and creative move by Hammurabi instilled a sense of civilization in the Homo Sapiens. However, most of his principles seem unrealistic if compared with today’s generation such as creating hierarchy in the society and killing someone else as a form of punishment who isn’t even the real killer. Nevertheless, it is understandable that it was done for survival. 

Although there were a lot of evolutions to humankind most of it was lost due to the lack of proper documentation. It was only with the invention of language that documented history could be referred to. Numerical language proved to be even more powerful than alphabetical language. 

It is rather intriguing to learn the evolutionary history of one’s kind and to a certain extent to get the reasons for the way humans behave in certain ways. The once-imagined hierarchy has now become the unavoidable and the most corrupted social bureaucracy. For this, who is to be blamed and is there any secret or undiscovered method hidden by our ancestors? To find out more one should grab this book. It will take you both backward while also allowing you to think forward. 

Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

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The story revolves around the theme of friendship, exploitations and the dark reality of life in Afghanistan. Amir was brought up in a comfortable environment, conversely Hassan, a child of a labourer was exposed to the harsh environment and had to go through a traumatic incident. ‘I am the powerful’ was what Amir subconsciously believed and would make Hassan do things degrading of a human being but the ‘I am a loyal friend’ Hassan would submissively cater to his pretentious friend. This brings forth the satirical nature of the reality where people in power would behave. 

Kite is used as a symbolic meaning to represent the only colour of Afghanistan, it is a simple thing yet so meaningful in the lives of Afghanis. The author has made sure to exhibit the power of a simple kite which is the only event that brought laughter in the community of Kabul. It also represents the yearning love between a father and a son and also the betrayal where Amir is good at fighting the kite while Hassan is good at running the kite. It portrays that Amir severs the relationships while Hassan tries to bind it. However, the story becomes complete only when Amir realises his mistakes and tries to mend it by saving Hassan’s son Shorab. But I feel Amir would not have regretted or atone for his sins unless Rabim Khan had not called him and lied to. Moreover, I felt no sincere remorse coming from Amir rather than an obligatory responsibility.

The fact that Amir’s father had to lie to his sons (Amir and Hassan) shows that Kabul is a orthodox society and lacks the freedom to be honest even with oneself. Even when met with death father could not find the courage to reveal the truth and the same goes with Amir. He carried the weight of his secret for so long he had to feel guilty even when he could save his nephew’s life. This shows how the burden of one’s dark secret can emotionally affect one’s life. Similarly, it also shows how a childhood trauma can be tortuous throughout one’s life. This is shown by three characters Amir, Hassan and Sohrab. All of them had a traumatic incident which ruined their childhood and took them their entire life to overcome it. For Hassan, it took his life, for Amir until he got an opportunity to overcome his guilt and for Sohrab the answer still remains a suspense. However, when Hassan finally showed some spark in his eye when he saw the kite running in a foreign land it depicted that he might overcome his trauma if he went to his home just like he wished. This incident strongly teaches us how important childhood upbringing and memories can shape one’s emotional strength and it has become rather crucial to give a better childhood to the growing kids so that they learn to live a happy and emotionally strong life later in their lives. 

The author has described the two sides of the world, Afghanistan and America which portrayed the two opposite sides of the world where one is a heaven and the other chaotic turmoil. America provides much freedom while Afghanistan is a cage when it comes to freedom. However, for the General he preferred his old home and he never felt at home. This shows how hard it is to change one’s root. Even for me despite the lack of work stress in India my heart always longs to be home even if it comes with a lot of work stress. 

Throughout the story the author has made sure to describe each scene in a detailed manner which gives the readers a better and clear picture of the story. So, this style of writing captured my interest throughout the story and it was no less than watching a movie.

Although it might seem like Amir is the main protagonist of the story, I feel it is Hassan who is the main character because he represents the underprivileged society of Afghanistan despite having a good master. Moreover, Amir’s father, who is his master, took advantage of his position. Hassan never had a voice; he always had to obey his master’s order. Despite Hassan’s extreme loyalty he is betrayed by Amir. I feel it’s the same in today’s world where the powerful and privileged people misuse their power for personal gain. However, the author did not cover the story from Hassan’s side so we do not really know how Hassan actually felt doing all those loyal things for Amir. Hassan is portrayed as a loyal servant and a friend but we are curious to know how Hassan felt doing those because I can sense some censored stories. 

To those seeking to learn the reality of Afghanistan, meaning of a simple kite, cruelty of Talibans, friendship then the kite runner is the one. One would be exposed to the stereotypical culture and traditions of Muslims and also the hypocritical customs. Mostly, you would be shown the strength of friendship when two people befriending come from different classes of society. There are more in the story so one should definitely read to unfurl the mystery. 

Grit-Power of Passion and Perseverence by Angela Duckwood

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Talent might bring you a one time achievement but the willingness to put an effort brings you a life long achievement. Grit is not just “falling in love but staying in love” despite the hurdles. It is “rising the eighth time even after the seventh fall” and not giving up one one’s goal. It is also doing the work of one’s interest so that one can really take pleasure in doing the work and hence, positively contribute to the community and even give hope to some people. 

Willingness to stay in tough situations even without seeing the result will take you through a long journey but the result is always better in fact the best. Example: as cited in the book, challenging oneself to stay a bit longer on the treadmill while some of us are happy with the first record. Often, we tend to be satisfied with the small achievements and we don't even try to see bigger things which might have been better than the small achievements. So, we can’t rest up for the small achievements in life because the view is much more beautiful if viewed from the hill top rather than from the base. People wanting to lose weight can be one similar example where some give up even before trying, some reach half way and only a few stay committed and consistent till the end. 

On the theory that American adults were the gritties in their sixties and least in their twenties I feel it is just the opposite in the society I come from. What happens is young adults who join their service always come with a lot of passion to make a difference in the society. However, when one ages they lose those passions and do not even try to change. They just do what's in front of them and avoid unnecessary work. However, this is directly related to the work environment and the leader plays a critical role in the performance at work. Even if the job isn’t one’s actual dream but one gets to like it when there is a good surrounding led by a supportive leader and the same can also happen otherwise.

As a child we come with big ambitions and dreams to be a doctor or engineer or a pilot but as you grow up situations do not help us pursue our dreams. Dreams get shattered and we start making practical decisions especially when you have the younger siblings looking up to you. Situations demand us to make sacrifices and that's how dreams fade as you enter the real world. In situations like this even grit cannot hold on from giving up. Therefore, there surely are “real constraints on the choices we make on how to make a living.”However, it is true that when one ends up doing work which he/she is not passionate about then it is more likely that he/she will resign or look out for better opportunities. One thing that can save our dreams from being shattered is a miracle that can be done only by hope. I resonate with the author that giving hope at the right time can be one turning point of choosing the path of grit and giving up. 

The thing about fixed mindset and growth mindset is discussed in every subject and is preached to others even over a casual dinner but little do we reflect on ourselves. Growing up in a stereotypical society it is even difficult to grow out of one's house. Nevertheless, people with a growth mindset always outweigh the weaknesses and obstacles and shine in their lives.

Oftentimes we do not know how to acknowledge ourselves and are drowned in our pessimistic talks. At the same time, we are so affected when the third person talks down on us but we don’t realise when we do it ourselves. So, if we want the world to acknowledge our self worth it should start with optimistic self talk like the author has mentioned. This optimistic self-talk can be a very powerful tool especially for people like me who still get stage fright despite getting on stage a thousand times, still getting nervous to give a simple presentation although I have practised that for more than 15 years. At such moments, I have this little chant to encourage myself. It's simple. I repeat ‘I can do this’ 21 times and my nervousness breaks down. Here, the author's theory of repeating things can also be resonated.

Positive feedback sometimes makes us complacent and feel like we are the best and we do not try to improve. However, the feedback that might sound a bit harsh challenges us to improve on our weakness and later when a difficult situation comes along we deal with it better than those who have always been receiving positive feedback all the time. It is very similar to the situations we grow up in. Some of my friends worked during their school breaks to make the expense for the school while we would be just wasting our time playing. Later, when we had to live on our own I noticed that those friends who had a demanding childhood situation fit in the real world better than us. 

Teaching is one profession which requires a lot of passion so like the author I also feel that a gritty teacher can definitely make a change in a student's life. In the class there will be students of different learning capacity which might require the teacher to come up with different teaching methods and most importantly never give up on a student. Hence, deciding to be a teacher should not be just a random job option but should come with the passion, grit and most importantly purpose to touch the lives of others. 

Ultimately, grit boils down to finding one’s interest and while doing so it is even okay to give up things if it does not capture your interest but to find out the activity of your interest the activities has to be carried out repeatedly for more than a year. Once you discover your interest it has to be pursued with passion, determination and commitment. It will then lead you to the path of happiness and contentment whereby you will not only be helping yourself but also the people around. You are making a positive change in society and even influencing or giving hope to younger generations to look up to you. Therefore, if one is feeling lost and not able to assess your own interest or even looking for hope then I recommend this book.