XXVIII

It’s been months of pondering and planning to come up with an inspirational story to share on my 28th birthday but here I am still doing the same. When I contemplate my past 27 years I can’t seem to get myself hooked to any incident or story that I feel is worth jotting down today except for the story of where I come from. So yes, I am finally putting my past in order so that my children (if I have one) in future can also read and connect to their mother’s story. 

My roots are from Bumthang and almost all my friends know this. Ironically, I don’t know my mother tongue which I am not exactly proud of. I belong to a large yet close knit-family. Growing up I have been all over the country as I stayed with my Azha and Ani whom I consider my god parents and if you are one of my close friends you might have heard me mentioning them an innumerable times. Although I did not get the privilege of growing up with my mother I have had better with my godparents which I am profoundly grateful for because if I was still left in the village I doubt I would not even have completed my education. Along with them, it is my Amas and Apa who are by relation my mother’s sisters who helped me. As a child, it was too confusing to call them by relation so I ended up calling everyone Ama and Apa and of course, with the responsibility they took for me, I feel that was the right way to refer to them. That’s why it has always been awkward when people asked me about my family because my answers differed and some even talked behind my back about how I was a liar. I swear I wasn’t lying.

A mother’s love is something I have always longed for and I do even today but my mother being a farmer and the fact that I was living with my Azha and Ani never tried to connect or bond with me. Even when I had my first period I could not share with my mother and I am sure girls do this with their mother. There were several nights when I would cry myself to sleep and resent her for not checking on me even if I was looked after by someone else. But then those thoughts were when I was immature and I don’t do it anymore. I understand her reasons although she never confronted me. 

I was a brilliant student not blowing my trumpet but I also had my glory days back then. Despite that I could not qualify for my dream job and hence, the background on how I landed up as a civil servant began. I took it as a sign from the external forces and I am learning about life while experiencing adulthood it would be a self-deception if I said I don’t wonder how different my life would be if I chose the path of my dream job. Nevertheless, that is how it is and I am sure I am not alone in sailing the similar boat of life. 

People including my family think that I can easily make friends or I would have no trouble doing anything, but it's been difficult for me. I have and am experiencing my own share of struggle so that’s why I have a very limited number of friends and if you are reading this you can count yourself as one of them. 

 

Today as I celebrate my 28th birthday I am relaxed, contented, and grateful to be finally able to organize my feelings and be open about it.