A Quite-Guilty week

While I have been craving the quiet days so much I have started to feel guilty for actually living them. Since the day I landed home,  I have been on the run, going from village to village and from house to house repeating the questions more than a hundred times. But this time, I chose to pause and just stay inside for an entire week. It seemed relaxing for the first few days but guilt started to surge up towards the end of the week. Guilt for being ideal and the guilt of wasting my time when the world seems to apologize for even a second’s delay.

It is amazing and a little scary how our thoughts run wild while our bodies are simply resting on a sofa, secluded in a room. There is ample time to read a book or even watch a series yet all I want to do is sit quietly and give freedom to the crazy thoughts flooding in. I was always nagging how I don’t get enough time to do my hobbies but when I do get the luxury of time I don’t find the drive to engage with them. I tried, but my mind travels to the places and the things I might be doing outside this room. 

A glimpse of my quite days

At least for once, I am grateful for the things that keep me engaged and give me a reason to step out of the room everyday. It surely is a blessing to be able to wake up everyday and wear the outfit that makes you feel beautiful and run through the day’s checklist in your mind. Because when you don’t have that you don't even feel like washing your face and you end up spending your entire day in nightwear.

There were moments when I didn’t want to work and just be the stay home woman of a man who goes out to earn just like a typical couple. However, I have come to a realization that as much as I envy being home, I cannot just do that for the rest of my life. For those who are doing it I have my deepest respect for building up immense patience to stay calm inside a room. I don’t want to stare at the clock all day just for it to hit 5pm. I don't want  use my hours between 9am to 5pm to go in agitation, sleep and my expression into a vegetative phase. I don’t want to wake up every day just to prepare lunch for him for my life is definitely more than that although, I won’t deny that I love expressing love through home cooked meals. Why do we always end up envying something that we don’t have and end up of missing what we had when we actually have what we envied?